


Golden Stars in My Eyes

by eveningsol



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: 13th Doctor is such a sweetheart i can't, F/F, F/M, Gen, Reader Insert, can next season have better writing please?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-11-01 13:24:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20815862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eveningsol/pseuds/eveningsol
Summary: Your quiet evening suddenly gets very chaotic when the golden tornado falls from the blue box and changes your life forever.This may turn into a series of loosely related chapters that could be treated as one-shots.





	1. The Tornado

You are spending yet another late summer evening in a library, surrounded by thousands of books that are your only companions. Most of the students had already passed their exams and had on their minds everything but uni. You feel somehow worse, pathetic even, being the only one in your year to fail that stupid exam. Your friends assured you so many times that it was okay, it happens. To everyone, allegedly. They all passed their last exams, so at the end of the day, it isn’t comforting at all. You have to admit though, it is much easier to learn in the blissful silence. It allows you to fully concentrate on your notes and that is what you need the most right now.

You are almost done for the day, quite happy with how much more familiar the material feels. You are about to start packing your belongings, already considering you options for dinner, when the golden tornado crashes into your field of vision followed by the loud “Oi!” and the force of the collision knocks you over along with almost every piece of furniture in the hall.

Silence follows, interrupted by your shallow breathing and almost inaudible “ouch”. It takes you a while, but once the initial shock passes and you mind that you are not alone anymore, your sight focuses on the messy golden hair and its owner standing next to the… police call box?

The woman is too busy fixedly gazing at her hands to notice another presence. She looks closely at her fingers and gasps in excitement like they are something new and fascinating. You don’t have a chance to decide if she is mad or exceptional, she catches the of sight of you, her almost insane - you think - eyes narrow and a wide smile appears on her face.

“Hey, you!” her voice is warm, yet energetic, and certainly optimistic. “You have such a nice coat. Green looks lovely on you!” she says brightly. You wonder how the hell the person who works here didn’t barge into the room yet, concerned what’s with the shouting and with crashing sounds. Then you realized what she had just said.

“Thanks, but you do realize my coat is red, right?” you reply, amused and confused at the same time.

“Sorry! Maybe my brain doesn’t process colors yet. It does happen sometimes with a new body. Does this mean your hair isn’t pink either?” you raise your eyebrow in response. “Right, sorry” the woman apologizes quickly and starts searching for something in her tattered suit. “Where’s my sonic? It must be here somewhere!”

Mad. Definitely mad, you conclude.

You have a hundred questions, thousands even, but there is only one you can form into words at the moment:

“Who are you?”

“I’m the Doctor.”

“Doctor- doctor who?”

She giggles at the question and then again when she notices your confused face.

“Just the Doctor. The last Time Lord. Well, you can also call me the Oncoming Storm, but I prefer just the Doctor” she says and you feel like the Oncoming Storm feels about right, but you decide to keep that for yourself.

“And you are?”

“(Y/N).”

“(Y/N) who?”

This time you are the one to chuckle. That women, the Doctor, there is something remarkable about her. Yes, she’s chaotic and wild, behaves like a lunatic, but she feels warm and compassionate too. Somehow she feels good. Right. Marvelous.

You say your full name, including middle one, with a smile plastered on your face. “Nice to meet you, Doctor.”

She smiles back and then falls on the ground, unconscious.

* * *

The Doctor wakes up a couple of hours later, to her surprise, on the TARDIS. You are asleep on an armchair, snuggled up in the blanket with knees under your chin. You tried to stay awake, you really did, but all the studying you have done made the world hazier and a few minutes after you sat and watched the Doctor the blackness came over you.

You dream about the golden hair and the moon and stars in your reach, but most importantly you dream about the smile of the particular Time Lord. You will be so embarrassed when you think about it later when have a moment for yourself, but it will also be a lovely memory, that will warm up your heart and will make you happy.

“Oi!” the Doctor exclaims and you almost fall off your sit. “How did you get in the TARDIS?”

“The what?” you ask, suppressing a yawn.

“Time and Relative Dimension in Space. The TARDIS. Blue box that can travel through time and space. How did you get in?”

“I just wanted to check if there’s any document or a phone so I could call your family or friends. And then I saw- this” you wave your hand around, confused. As soon as you stepped into the blue box, the TARDIS, you realized it’s bigger on the inside. You were coming in and out, back and forth, trying to wrap your head around it. How does this even work? You still have many questions, but they all can wait a little longer.

“She just let you in? Fascinating! You are the first person that was let in by her without my permission” she grins at you. “So, what do you think?”

“About the- about the TARDIS?” you let out a soft breath. “It feels impossible, but I’m seeing it with my own eyes. And it’s brilliant. I want to know more, about the TARDIS, about you.

“You could come with me. I can show you everything that ever was or ever will be. And you will be back just a minute after you stepped into the TARDIS. It will be like you never left the present” her eyes shine with excitement. “So, what do you say?”

The Doctor’s eyes are giving a glare filled with pleading. There is something in them that makes you twitch. She is young, in her thirties, but her eyes tell a different story. Like she had lived thousands of years. Like she had seen so much, and loved so much and lost so much, and maybe with TARDIS she did. You can’t say “no” to those big, sad eyes. Not that you even want to.

“Brilliant” you sum up with a smile. “I think it’s going to be brilliant. Me and you, together. Can we start with a watching the stars? I really love the stars.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I know the plot and the grammar are just... not good, but I have really stressful time in my life and this somehow happened last night. English is not my first language, I'm writing so I can extend my vocabulary and improve my grammar and writing skills. I'm not of a writer yet, but I hope I'll get there.  
Constructive criticism will be appreciated, but please be gentle.
> 
> You can catch me on tumblr: olive-beesly


	2. The Warmth of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have your first nightmares and it leaves you shaken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Vicky,  
I love you more than the stars in the night

It begins with a white glow that seems very distant. A second later it feels closer like you moved towards the luminosity, but you stand still, observing. Then, suddenly, there's nothing but light. It has that kind of brightness that makes you sick and afraid of going blind. You put your arm on your forehead, trying to protect your eyes from it, but it appears that there’s no one particular source of the light, it comes from everywhere. Quickly your cheeks become wet, the drops come from your eyes against your will. You are not crying. The brightness around you brings tears to your vision and you cannot stop it.

You can’t center your mind on anything. Every cell in you screams that it's extremely, dangerously bright, you choke out a quiet sob, and it echoes back to you. You are incapable of doing anything or saying anything. You just stand there, letting the madness consume you, yet still trying to remember how to breathe.

You don’t.

You wake up, gasping for air as if you had just surfaced after spending too long in the pool. You try to even your breath, to calm yourself, but the only thing your body wants is oxygen. _Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. _

Drops of sweat run through your face, or maybe they’re tears, after all. You bury your head in the blanket, still taking unusually deep breaths, and you wish you weren’t alone with the frightful memories of your still too vivid dream.

You never were the person to get nightmares. Sure, sometimes you had woken up in the middle of the night, tense, heart racing, but then blackness swallowed you again as soon as your head hit the pillow. By morning you barely remembered that it happened. It had never haunted you during the day and never kept you awake at night.

This is the first time you are too shocked and too frightened to go back to sleep. You are alone at the apartment, your mum being out of town for a couple of days. Ordinarily, you prefer to have the quietness and peace, but this time you would like to hear her jabber like she always did. You would quickly become annoyed, but it would be worth it if it would help to forget about your nightmare, even for a moment.

You spent the rest of that night awake, fingers curled around cuppa, clutching a blanket to your chest, thinking. Is this the price you have to pay for traveling with the Doctor? Is it a one-time-only thing or will it happen again? How can you go to bed the next night, how will you fall asleep? Is it safe for you to explore the universe with the Doctor? You analyze your entire life, contemplate whether you should continue your adventures until your alarm goes off and you begin preparing yourself to leave your apartment.

You can't stay focused, you barely manage to note and you learn nothing in your lectures that day and for the rest of the week. Then, the Doctor shows up and takes you on another escapade. She does something goofy, gives you a wide smile and you no longer remember about your concerns. There’s only you, her, the TARDIS and the whole wide world ahead of you. You wish it would last forever.

* * *

The first day of December your classes promise to be nothing more but boring. You are always fond of the topics of your lectures, but even in the most fascinating area there would always be topics that feel tedious and uninspiring.

You almost doze off on your first period so as soon as it’s over you go across the street for a cup of coffee. You’re rather certain you leave there half of the money you make, you remind yourself of your need for energy if you even consider graduating.

“One big caramel latte to go, please,” you say with a little hint of urgency in your voice. Admittedly, you have a problem.

You leave the café carrying the hot beverage in both of your hands. You think it’s one of the nicest feelings in the world, that warm liquid warming up the skin through the cup in the chilly winter day. Your lips twist into a smile that grows bigger when you hear the familiar wheeze of the TARDIS.

“Hey, you!” You welcome the Doctor with cheerfulness in your voice after yanking the door open.

“Oh, I see someone’s in a good mood. It suits you” the woman compliments you and it feels so genuine you want to smile even wider, but it’s impossible.

“I’m always happy with a cup of good coffee. Well, with ordinary coffee too, it doesn’t have to be fancy. I’m not that picky” you say on one breath, fizzing with energy. “Do you like coffee, Doctor?”

“No” she answers assuredly, and then her tone shifts into a question. “Yes? I don’t know, maybe? It depends when, I think?

“Wanna take a sip?” you hold up the cup in her direction, a smile lurking. “You’re gonna love it, you’ll see.”

The Doctor nods, then takes the vessel from you and tastes the coffee. There’s a moment of silence that stretches for infinity, then her eyes flicker between you and the cup. Her face is expressionless and you worry she doesn’t like it, but then something in her eyes glimmers.

“This is bloody brilliant!” she almost shouts and you see the joy in her expression. “I am over two thousand years old and this is the best coffee I have ever had. What is this?”

You tell her the story of your addiction to the caramel latte, how you tasted it once and then never touched another coffee again. You explain that it totally ruins your budget, but it became a necessity, that you drink it when you have a good day, a bad day, when you’re tired, when you achieve something and when you fail. You use every excuse to drink it and you have no regrets, at least until you have to pay the bills.

You laugh for a while and then she takes you on another adventure.

Over the course of traveling with the Doctor, you notice that usually going into the future ends up with running for your life. This time is not different.

Both of you rush into the TARDIS. You’re there first, and The Doctor shuts the door behind you firmly a few seconds later. Ordinarily, you are giggling and then you spent hours talking about how phenomenal and astonishing the future is. How amazing it will be.

This time it’s not the case.

This time you were caught up in the heart of the war zone and you’ve seen the most terrifying things. This time your guts squeezed together so tight you almost couldn't breathe. There was darkness, and there was blood, so much of it, everywhere you looked. There was a child's cry, so loud that it still echoes in your mind, and the yells and shouts full of pain still haunting your thoughts. The noise was unbearable and you almost fell on your knees, wanting to nestle in your own arm, hide, but the Doctor's hand seized yours and she gave you a reassuring squeeze. It wasn’t much, but it helped you focus on surviving.

It wasn’t simple. You were quickly detected and considered as a threat, so the whole trip was nothing more but fighting your way back to the TARDIS. You didn't look up once when running, you trusted the Doctor to lead you while she held your hand tightly. You focused on the way the Doctor’s thumb brushed your hand gently, not stopping, not even when you heard her shout at someone and kick something. Not when both of you fell, or maybe you were knocked over. She only let go of your hand when you reached the TARDIS.

You made it. You’re safe, you tell yourself, but it doesn’t calm you. You fling your arm against the wall to brace yourself once you are inside. Your breath is shallow and rapid, your vision shifts darker and the rooms spins around like a boat in the center of the storm.

And then something touches your hand and you jump, startled, and you finally look up. You see beautiful green eyes filled with genuine concern. She says something, but the sound doesn’t reach your ears. You just stand still, eyes locked with the Doctor, her fingers wrapped around yours, and again you lose track of time.

"Are you okay?"

You blink and you're back into the present. You nod idly. You don't look at the Doctor anymore, your vision centered on the floor, but you know she doesn’t believe you.

She slowly reaches out her arms and holds you close and tight and tender. She’s your shelter, your pillar that keeps you steady. Her arms are the only place in the world that feels safe.

You stand like that for a few minutes, before she pulls from the embrace and scans you with her eyes.

“Are you injured?”

“Don’t think so” you murmur so quietly you’re not sure the Doctor could hear that, but she points her screwdriver in your direction, anyway.

“I’m gonna take a nap” you add, a little louder.

You don’t wait for the response. You turn around and dive into the TARDIS. You go to the room she prepared for you when you first entered the spaceship.

It’s dark blue, like the night sky, and there are flickering stars on the ceiling. When you first saw them you were in awe, thinking how remarkable it looks. It still takes your breath away every single time you visit the room. Even now, still being in shock, you can’t help but admire your private sky filled with so many beautiful constellations. It warms your heart a little.

You stare at it for a minute, and then you bury yourself in the sheets.

* * *

It’s dark. In fact, it’s black. There’s emptiness around you. Then, there’s a chilling breeze and you shiver. You hear the Doctor’s laugh that slowly turns into a child's cry. It comes from everywhere. You shut your eyes. You feel something change. When you open them again, the world is scarlet, like blood, you think, and then you notice it is blood. The whole planet is covered in it.

It’s quiet, but it’s a tense sort of quietness. There are bodies of children wherever you look. You want to make a step, but you’re paralyzed. There are drops on your cheeks, and this time you are crying. .

Abruptly you fall. You lay on the ground and it pains you that this time your hand isn’t held by anyone. You miss the warmth of the Doctor's hand. You shut your eyes again. Someone’s fingers are curled with yours. You decide to look and a scream gets away from your throat. The fingers belong to the Doctor, but her eyes are absent and her body is still. She’s lifeless, and you feel the heat escaping her body.

“Hey!” you hear the voice. “Hey, wake up. It’s okay, it’s safe.”

Your eyes snap open and you almost jump out of the bed. You are pulled into an embrace. You try to escape the unknown arms, whimpering, but you stop when you hear the familiar voice.

“It’s me. It’s the Doctor. You’re safe. You’re okay.”

At first, your vision is blurry. When your sight sharpens, you feel like your heart might fall out of your chest. You have never seen the Doctor's eyes so sorrowful and so concerned.

She places one of her hands on your face, cupping your cheek. With the other one she grabs your fingers. You glance at her, eyes wide open.

"You're okay" she repeats and it hits you how her voice lacks the usual energy. It's soft and calm and even kinder than typically. You adore her babbly side, but it's pleasant to get to know her from a different perspective. Her tone soothes your nerves and you nod your head, taking a deep breath.

“It’s not the first time” you state quietly. “Last month I had a nightmare too. I never had a nightmare before, you know?"

“I’m sorry” she responds and you hear in her voice an honest regret.

“How do you manage to live with what you have seen? Doesn’t- doesn't it haunt you? The memories of pain and suffering, how do you deal with them?” your voice trembles. There’s no accusation in your words, just pure melancholy.

The Doctor’s head bends down a little, she looks away and sighs. Suddenly she appears so very old, almost as old as she is. You can see it in her huddled posture, in her exhausted expression and her wearied, ancient eyes.

She takes a moment for herself, collecting thoughts, and then she glances back at you.

“I’ve been exploring the universe for thousands of years now. I’ve seen hate and I’ve seen love. I’ve witnessed disasters, wars, cruelty in every form. I’ve been furious and I’ve been crying and I tried to change it- change the world. It’s beyond my control. I’m not a god. I learned to live with the awareness that it's just how the universe works."

You bow your head slightly, a lump in your throat. The Doctor inhales loudly and continues:

"But it's not all there is. You've seen it too. The kindness, the courage. The miracles. The universe isn't just black and white, but it's not grey either. It's colorful, every shade of every color represents a different part of the world. It's complex, it's wide and unbridled. It's nature, unchangeable and uncontrollable. That’s life."

You don't dare to say anything, both of you let the words sink in.

“I’m sorry today you’ve witnessed the dark colors of the world” she continues, her voice a bit quieter than before. “I can’t always protect you, I wish I could, and I would do anything within my power. But sometimes I don't succeed, sometimes I can't save you, no matter how much I'm willing to sacrifice."

A single tear appears on the Doctor's face. You lean over and with your thumb you wipe it off her face. She has lost people. She never said it out loud, but you knew. Sometimes her eyes gave it away, even when she tried to hide the pain. This time you were the one to pull her into a hug.

“I’m sorry too.” you whisper into her ear, not really sure what you're apologizing for. “But you know what? I don’t want to stop traveling with you. Not ever.”

The Doctor draws back from the embrace, and gives you a soft smile and you think it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Smile of the person you deeply care about.

“I think we should get that caramel latte now” she proposes and you can’t help but smile too.

She doesn’t let go of your hand until you’re ready to face the universe without feeling the heat of her touch. You don’t realize yet that from now on every time you will hold the warm beverage you will have in mind nothing else but the golden hair and a soft laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Like before, I would appreciate the feedback, whether here or on my tumblr: olive-beesly


End file.
